Reflections on playschool and behavior at 16 months

From the age of 12 months, Dominic has attended some trial sessions of playschools. These playschools are generally short, developmental sessions for children that focus on different subjects, e.g. music at Kindermusik, fun and learning activities at Gracekids and Julia Gabriel, or gym sessions at MyGym.

Dominic has never been a very attentive student. He tends to do his own thing, and roam off to explore or protest when the activity does not catch his interest. But generally he is able to adapt to these lessons with no problem.

We did not commit to a playschool, because I thought he was doing fine without it, and I was still shopping around for the right one - indecisive mummy!

About two weeks ago, we attended a class conducted by a mummy-teacher. We were there early and he was happy in the room while the adults chatted. When she started to sing, Dominic immediately cried. He had a total meltdown. The class was basically wasted - he refused to go in and we spent the hour outside playing. I was perplexed by his behavior, because this guy loves music - he watches Barney and Wheels on the Bus, and we sing to him frequently. Dad thinks it's the teacher's bad singing :S

But I wanted to test this again, so a week later we went to a Kindermusik trial. Dominic attended the same trial when he was younger, about 13 months. This time, he started to fuss at the counter while taking his temperature. He cried loudly when we entered the classroom. He had a meltdown again. We couldn't get him to settle in the class, he hated the teacher's singing, and we had to go out of the shop to pacify him again.

I was really quite affected by his behavior. What could be wrong? He had been fine with previous playschools, and I could not understand what changed.

I thought it may not be totally his fault because it was really crowded and noisy that session, so the following afternoon I brought him again to Kindermusik. Being a Monday afternoon, the place was quiet, the mood calm. Dominic actually recognised the shop and pointed at his favourite mural - Sun, Moon, 2, 3, etc. To preempt things, we gave him his pacifier. When the helper brought him into the class, he immediately started to whine, but she got him interested in the toys in the room. He spent about 7 minutes before class started happily playing, stress-free. The teacher came in, talked to the babies, and he was fine.

And then the singing started, with the shakers and all - and he started to cry. He couldn't be pacified and left the classroom. This time we just waited at the reception area of Kindermusik - Dominic went back to the familiar mural and calmed down. Then the teacher took out some hula hoops, which Dominic was attracted to because they were "circles". So he went in and played with the hoops, not participating in the activities, but more like observing. And then the class played drums. Dominic watched for a while, then decided to join in. By himself, he approached and played with the drums.

I thought this was a great sign. Unfortunately class had to move on, so the drums were kept. There was nothing to play between activities, and he acted up again. So we went out. Mural, point point sun etc. Even the class singing Old Macdonald couldn't lure Dominic in.

Then the xylophones came out, and Dominic was tempted enough to go in again. Unfortunately he got tired of the tiny one he was given, and he couldn't get the big wooden ones, so he fussed and out he went. After a few minutes, class ended. We left Kindermusik, walked around the mall abit, had a snack (ice cream and bread) and went home. During snack time, he went up to a couple at the neighboring table on his own accord and initiated contact, by telling the lady his "bag" (milk bag), "book", and said "bye".

I consciously made the outing experience a pleasant one overall, so that he would want to go back again. There was plenty of enthusiastic praises during the outing. After which, I would remind Dominic again about "music class" and the fun things he did there - the circles, the drums, and the xylophones. Now when I talk about music class, Dominic would respond by saying "circle" - he remembers playing with the hula hoops.

Based on all these observations, what can I conclude and where do we go from here?

. He hates large crowds, loud noises and a tense mood at an enclosed, foreign environment. This is something to take note of when we enter people's houses or even a restaurant. He has fussed twice when entering noisy, crowded restaurants. In future I should prepare him before going in, by telling him where are we, what are we doing here, what to expect and what to look forward to. I'm sometimes quite surprised that we have to deal with his psyche, mind and emotion so much. He's really quite sensitive and cerebral. Gone are the days when he was still a baby and would just go wherever we go!

. He wants to do class on his own terms. He hates that the toys he was playing with get taken away repeatedly by the teacher (in the course of changing activities), and probably is why he dislikes the teacher (and class?). If the activity interested him, he'd join in. Else, he prefers to play by himself. He would protest if we carried him to join in the activities against his will. I'm not sure if I should accept this because maybe he is not developmentally ready for structured lessons, or if I should train him to adapt to lesson structure. One alternative is to go to a more free-and-easy class, like Busy Buddies at GraceKids, where there is a large space to explore, toys around the room to play, and he can join in the activities when he is comfortable. The downside is that he may never learn how to be disciplined nor learn as much because the educational value of this program is less than a right-brain training program, for example. But maybe he needs to slowly progress from a casual classroom environment to one that is more structured when he is older and hopefully ready. But what if he won't be ready ever?? @_@ Daddy thinks he learns enough at home and doesn't really need to learn from the classes; they are just for socialization purposes.

. Previously when he was younger and had less autonomy, he was content to enter the classroom and go through the lesson. When he was uninterested, he would just crawl off. Now that he is older, more assertive and independent, he knew he disliked the controlled confines of a classroom (could he sense it even before class started?), and protested immediately when the class started. So his behavior was actually nothing new, just that he has learnt how to identify unpleasant, objectionable things quicker and protest more effectively. I had failed to pick up on the potential problem. I wonder if we had committed to a class back then when he was more malleable, would all this be avoided? Another example to support the theory of starting early when it comes to introducing things to babies!

. He is overwhelmed by live singing by a stranger, regardless of voice! I think he should watch more shows like Singapore Idol and live concerts!

. He is not really anti-social. He does approach strangers when he is good and ready. But he dislikes strangers who get in his face.

. He needs time to warm up. Gotta take it nice and easy.

. He needs distraction to deal with anxiety. When he is uncomfortable in an environment, he needs to be distracted by things he likes (e.g. numbers, circles) to first accept the place, then to slowly enjoy the place.

. Separation anxiety? When first introduced to a new environment, Dominic naturally clings to me and the helper. But I notice that when he is warmed up and happily playing, he doesn't bother to look to us for assurance. I have not tested if he is truly that confident and can be by himself for some time. This is something that should be interesting to find out.


It isn't easy trying to understand and handle Dominic. I think now we expect children to do more at a younger age, thus the arising of more problems possibly because the children are not developmentally ready for the activity. I should focus on the medium-term goal of getting him classroom-ready at nursery age of about 3. Seen in this perspective, he still has some time to slowly learn to adapt to a classroom setting, and I shouldn't be too obsessive about this matter. Dominic's more introverted nature is similar to Daddy's, and actually I'm not much of a wild-thing myself, so I guess it is natural that his personality turns out this way. Keeping this in mind, I think it would be good to stretch him a little. I think while I may never change his inherent nature, it would be beneficial to build up his self-confidence and socialization skills. And if he develops discipline and longer concentration span along the way - all the better!