Of playgroups and difficult children

We were having a conversation with some mummies this morning and the topic came to toddler playgroups, and difficult and disruptive children in class.

I know first hand how trying it is to have a difficult child in class. Dominic is by nature slow to adapt to new things and needs time to warm up to anything new. As such he had never really enjoyed playgroups, because he couldn't accept the new environment, people and activities. We've been to several trial classes which were disasters. He would cry once the classroom door was closed. He would cry once the teacher started to sing! Many of these playgroups involved a lot of circle time, where everyone would sit in a circle and the teacher would lead the activities. Dominic did not do well with this, because he didn't find the activity interesting, he didn't like the way the teacher sounded/sang (the singing was fine, he was just very sensitive to new people making loud noises and music), and when he got bored with the activity or when we were in between activities, there was nothing to occupy him and he would get anxious and thus act up.

In most playgroups, once a child fussed badly, he would be brought out of the room to calm down so as not to disrupt the other students. I think this is a reasonable form of action. But this resulted in us going in and out of class, and missing a large part of class. The worst part of this was that it taught Dominic that if he cried loud and long enough, he could get out of class. We spent most of the time outside the class.

We used to dread playgroup! I was worried he'd never learn how to behave in class.

Then from a mummy's recommendation, we discovered this center called Wee Care. I'm glad to say that after 4 sessions, Dominic has learnt to enjoy his playgroup! Several factors have made this playgroup suited to Dominic's temperament.

The classroom was spacious and had toys on-hand for free-play. While class was on-going, Dominic could entertain himself with the toys and puzzles and books, while watching the activities. When he felt interested and comfortable enough, he would join in the class. This is a great arrangement because he could choose what he wanted to do and thus there were no melt-downs, cutting down disturbance to the rest of the class greatly. We didn't have to leave the room, so he could still gain something from the activities by watching closeby. I am hoping he would grow to be comfortable enough to participate in more of the activities, but for now I am contented with his level of participation and comfort.

In Wee Care, there are three different areas for activities - the classroom for circle time activitiesm, the playroom for free play, and the playground downstairs. There would be a different theme and different set-up and toys each week. The change of environment kept things fresh and interesting for Dominic. The less bored he is, the less he would fuss.

There is about 30 minutes worth of free play during the class, with the purpose of learning through play. Every week the school would put up different toys and activities according to the week's theme in the playroom. Children would be allowed to play freely, while the teachers engaged them. Dominic could explore and play without restraint. I think this is a good way to teach him that his play reward comes after he has finished his lesson during circle time. He also had the freedom to do an activity e.g. painting, when he felt like it, not as dictated by the teacher.

It is also great that Dominic has grown quite fond of a particular teacher, he likes it when she shows him attention and would try to get close to her.

During the start of the last lesson, Dominic said "mum mum, mum mum". I believe he looks forward to snack time most of all. He was always the biggest eater at the table, having several servings of the food! I can imagine him in primary school, just waiting for recess time to arrive...

If someone asked me what did Dominic learn from class, I would say - nothing much! But I think it's a good way to spend an hour and a half, where he could be put in a different, fresh environment and for him to learn to slowly adapt to it. I also want to gently introduce class structure to him, where there is a dictated time for study, play, music, etc. and for him to learn to follow it. He no longer cries in class, even when the teachers sing. He still tries to escape from circle time and whines to be let out, but can be distracted by toys. I am relieved that we have managed to find a playgroup that works for us!

This term is till December this year. I'm not sure what comes after, we'll see how it goes!

It's tedious having to manage a child with a shy temperament such as Dominic's. I wish he would be more easy-going and unafraid of new things, like why doesn't he enjoy exploring play gyms more and play in ball pits and ride in toy buggies? I try not to get over-anxious about it and try to stop obsessing over his behavior. After all most shy and difficult children do grow out of it and emerge as normal functioning adults, no? Not to mention, all that reservedness and hot temperedness has got to come from somewhere! (*guilty*) I am also not so convinced that a hard, forceful method is a good way to try and change him. I'm hoping that if we respect his personality and encourage him to make progress at his own pace, change will happen for the better, sooner or later! I also try to keep in mind the notion that I should look out for and encourage what he is good at, instead of pin-pointing and harping on what he lacks.

The next challenge I want to pose to Dominic is playgyms. I want him to be able to play confidently and enjoy exploring the gym. So when we're able to, I hope to bring him to the playgym on a Sunday morning. I expect it'd take about three tries (hopefully!) for him to really enjoy it, and it's alright!